When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda
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Clearly written. I bought and read a Kindle version of this book on Amazon. Feb 16, Ffiona rated it did not like it. The story of a woman who became obsessed with a disordered man and takes absolutely no responsibility whatsoever for her part in allowing it to happen and continue for years and years.
The narcissist had nothing going for him other than an ability to provide an eroticism that captivated a very damaged woman. Ballard states It just was. In fact, to this day, the sex is still something I miss and the single thi The story of a woman who became obsessed with a disordered man and takes absolutely no responsibility whatsoever for her part in allowing it to happen and continue for years and years.
In fact, to this day, the sex is still something I miss and the single thing that could probably still make me cry over the break-up. Honestly, there are days when I have to consciously try not to think about it". Emotional pain sex was often her drug of choice. If the narcissist Wayne had suddenly started acting all needy and clingy then instantly this 'best sex she ever had' would have been downgraded to unsatisfactory there would no longer be a challenge nothing for her to yearn for and fantasise about no thrill of the chase-longing for the object is never satisfied by the actual possession of the object.
The sexual intensity they were so enamoured with was being magnified by the dysfunctional separation and reunion dynamic they had going on. After a prolonged absence suddenly being the sole and intense focus of his attention and desire made her feel ecstatic plus it was the only way he allowed her to any closeness. This narcissist's mindset was extremely infantile it sounded like he could only relate to women willing to be an object of his gratification happy to play the good mummy by never ever making demands on baby.
The author writes "Not only did Wayne never withhold sex, he had no problem requesting it no matter what the situation. In the middle of a fight But there were other times, especially towards the end, where I just couldn't do it and I wanted to know how he could. His typical response was to simply lay down on the bed and just pat the area beside him very matter-of-fact. No words. No smiles. Just that evil patting that I unfortunately knew would lead to great sex if I went there".
The author writes How marvellous. She goes on Narcissist Wayne had no interest in her happy families fantasy because his mode of thinking and behaviour was more along the lines of an impersonal pornography fantasy. Basically he feels worthless so he wants others to feel worthless too. Ballard makes no mention of her upbringing or relationship with her parents its my guess she re-created a piece of her childhood with this horrible man,she probably copied how her mother behaved with men when she was a child or alternatively she had an abandoning absent or emotionally unavailable father.
The relationship she had with this Wayne person sounded sick, incredibly superficial and immature-the author came across as a bit of a drama queen it felt like she was involved in a battle of good versus evil gods versus devils,ratcheting up an unhappy human situation to cosmically epic proportions. Her son was diagnosed with child-onset schizophrenia and although she claims in her book 'everything changed' it really didn't and she just carried on with her co-dependent enabling-[page ] Wayne was unable to perceive her needs because he was preoccupied with his weird sexualization obsession.
She was fascinated by him due to the fact he was expressing something she was repressing,she envied his silence and his control she saw it as a strength but if she had actually managed to break through his armour as she had been compulsively trying to do for many years he would have no longer been this unattainable being she felt she needed.
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I'm no defender of abusive men,they disgust me, but Zari Ballards tone was so blistering and her assertions were so one sided that whilst reading this book I couldn't help but keep thinking to myself, Yes, but It was obvious to me Wayne was suffering from sex addiction and his sex behaviour sounded like a compulsive acting out, men acting in this way have usually been molested as boys. This author needs to develop a higher degree of emotional intelligence and self reflective learning about her contribution to the dysfunctional interpersonal dynamic.
As they engage in distancing interactions with unhealthy men they are too excited to sink into the depression that lingers under the level of awareness". Zari Ballard writes "we are not madly in love with our exes we are in love with the idea of hope,hope that they will change hope that we can change them". View 1 comment. Others have said it, I could not help but think of my ex-husband while reading this book. It took me 2 years to regain my self-confidence, in fact my experience in that relationship lead me to work with the local women's shelter to do what I could to raise awareness of verbal abuse.
All abuse is unacceptable, but at least with physical abuse there is visible proof. While I learned to recognize signs of verbal abuse, this book has helped me to understand the psychology behind a lot of it. I like Others have said it, I could not help but think of my ex-husband while reading this book. I like the authors conversational writing style, and the way she brings a human touch to a complex and emotional subject. This book is a must read for anyone feeling manipulate in a relationship, and I'm happy to recommend it.
Feb 26, Tina rated it really liked it Shelves: read-psychology. Probably a 3.
When Love Is a Lie--Narcissistic Partners & the (Pathological) Relationship Agenda
Sometimes repetitive. This book would've been better if you wrote more why your personality attracts these people. You got into it a little bit with codependency, but I wish you wrote more. Jul 12, AudioBookReviewer rated it really liked it.
When Love Is a Lie centers around the experiences in a relationship involving a narcissist. Zari Ballard lays it out for her listeners in clear and concise manner defining what is narcissism, the symptoms and how to recognize your role in the relationship.
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Ballard recognizes that some may see her story as a venting with her being whiny but in truth, it is nothing like that but is rather a self-help book. Ballard shares her experience to help others in the same situation; she helps them see they are not alone, they are not crazy, they are not at fault and importantly … they are beautiful and smart. I found this audiobook to be interesting and helpful.
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While I have never been involved in a relationship such as this, I do know of couples who fit the description. Relationships are not easy and if one is involved with a narcissistic person, then all bets are off — their love lives in the chaos of emotions and actions and lies. Lisa Bunting tells the story of Zari Ballard making the story realistic with her performance and owning it down to the very end.
Her voice is clear yet mesmerizing. She was the perfect narrator for this story.
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Listen to it so you can recognize the signs and prevent yourself from sleepless nights, hours of insecurity and self-doubt. There were no issues with the audio quality or production. Audiobook was provided for review by the publisher.
Mar 21, Lynette rated it really liked it. Provides great insights into relationships with narcissists. As a therapist I would recommend it for clients. Jan 13, Kathy added it. Currently navigating the end of a 31 year marriage with narcissistic spouse and seeking encouragement. Jan 02, Jennifer Sullivan rated it it was amazing.
I read this book many years ago after it was recommended on a narcissistic abuse survivors forum. It was one of the best books I have ever read on the subject. I enjoyed it so much I loaned it to a friend who recently returned it. This informative, self published book was written by a survivor of narcissistic abuse so the advice offer is tried and true!
The conversational tone and powerful "example stories" offered helped me to understand my o I read this book many years ago after it was recommended on a narcissistic abuse survivors forum. The conversational tone and powerful "example stories" offered helped me to understand my own journey a bit better. One of the great things about this book is that it's kept "light".
When you have been emotionally beaten down, it's hard to focus on anything too detailed.
I love how the author helps you transform your feelings of victimization into personal power! She offers hope by way of personal experience and example. I just ordered another of her books on Book Depository - I can't WAIT to dive in :- Even though I am happily narcissist free, I find the subject of cluster B personality disorders absolutely fascinating!
This is a must-read for any like-minded soul ;- Aug 23, Tricia rated it really liked it. Sometimes I thought it was a bit too heavy on the 'best friend's advice' style, repeating or drawing out a topic or event, much like your friends tend to do! But in the end, I really learned a lot about my failed relationship, and my own part in creating and supporting it for so many years, plus what to be more aware of in future relationships from reading the book. It made me realize that I am not the first, nor will I be the last, to experience this type of betrayal and feeling my world spin out of control.
Sadly, it's more common than I had ever imagined. The truth like you've never heard it before. If you have ever been or think you are in a relationship with a narcissist, this book is a play by play lifeline for anyone trying to get out or recover from this type of relationship. Sobering, enlightening and inspiring. You life will be different after reading this. Sep 08, Kasia Burlakoff rated it really liked it Shelves: september The author did a pretty good job on research about narcissistic personality disorders and outlined the most important points in a way easy for a layperson to understands.
My main complaint is about certain repetitiveness and excessive use of swearing. Otherwise I would have given it 5 stars. This book was very helpful to me. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for many years and it helped me realize that it wasn't my fault that I didn't leave sooner and that he is a pathological liar and there is no way to help a narcissist change.